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In a way, it felt good to finally have an answer as to why I suffered from depression. I had been depressed for most of my eighteen years, even suicidal, completely in contrast to the comfortable middle-class life I lived in my hometown in Maine. I couldn’t even count the number of antidepressants, forced therapy lessons, and thoughts of longing to just die. There are people starving all over the world, people suffering. It’s a mystery to people like me why they just don’t kill themselves. It is the only question I will leave behind. How do they have lives that make my horrors look pathetic, but they have the will to live that I lack? That was always an issue nagging in the back of my mind: being depressed without having a reason. It was that mixture of guilt for knowing that I should consider myself lucky but the inability to do so, and the feeling of helplessness from the knowledge that it meant that nothing could change how I felt, and that if I would wish for death in a. For some reason I found myself attracted to her from the first time I saw her.Sue helped us move the last few boxes into our new home. Sue helped me unpack my clothes in my bedroom as she told me about everyone who lived near us. She also told me about the cute boys that lived near us as well. I had never been with a boy however; I had done some kissing with a girl. I was never interested in boys or girls mainly because I hated how most of them treated me all because I did not have a dad.“We can jump on our bikes and I can give you a tour of our neighborhood,” Sue said to me.“OK, but let me change my clothes first,” I replied.I did not even think about undressing in front of her as I always had in front of mom and my aunt. I removed my jeans first and then my top. I walked over to my dresser pulling out a pair of shorts and a tank top like Sue had worn. I turned toward her as she sat on my bed. I saw her eyes as they looked to between my legs.“Damn girl you’re fucking hairy,” Sue.
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